segunda-feira, setembro 22, 2008

twice as difficult


when we, A.T. and I did our "goodbye drink" in Antwerp we knew it'd be hard, we knew we had made ourselves go through something we could never control. we knew we'd laugh but cry at the sight of people leaving. we knew we'd have gifts to open but still be so surprised as we ripped the paper away... we knew it'd hurt but not that much...
what if we had to do it again? would it still have that effect?

i did... i said goodbye to the most important people to me in Antwerp again, twice... and twice as difficult.
four days of excitement filled with usual things, the jokes were ours and the gossip also. the looks, the quirks, the tastes, everything seemed just as normal as it was...
but the city was different. this time, it was my city, it was my home... Lisbon. i hope i showed them exactly how i live here, exactly what makes me ME here. i know there as still a thounsand things to show, a million things to see and so much more to say, but even knowing that there would be a second goodbye, we did it, we were together again and that is so much better than anything else. saying "see ya" twice was twice as hard but twice as special.

so, gorgeous girl, thank you, thank you for saying "i will miss you miss portugal" because that is what keeps me going.

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sexta-feira, agosto 01, 2008

20 days 'til my next crumble

yesterday was thursday

yesterday i had 5 friends and a 8month old Madalena over for dinner... Codfish Soufflê

yesterday i missed my girl's nights in Antwerp

yesterday i made my apple crumble... and i missed Antwerp even more

yesterday i laughed, gossiped, criticized, cheered, cooked, cleaned, drank and told lots of stories.

this... this is what thursday should always be like, even if without "grey's anatomy". you just can't stop traditions.

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sábado, julho 19, 2008

1 week... gone

this week was the biggest emotional rollercoaster. you'd think because i'm leaving Antwerp and moving to Mozambique being here would have some meaning. It would somehow make sense.
not really... actually, none at all.

Lisbon has nothing to do with it. Family has everything. From being considered obese to having my dreams crushed everything has happened, and all because i have been very far away where poeple don't judge, where people let me be. The hardest part of leaving to anywhere... is letting others interfere. They don't say "you can't go" but they can say "for what?" not realizing who we are anymore.

6 years have given me everything i thought i had and didn't and everything that makes me happy. this is just a place.... just like any other. And Lisbon will be my place soon, but as long as they don't see it, this isn't IT.

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domingo, julho 13, 2008

on my way to you


this is it. it's here... the first goodbye. i'll be back in 5 weeks and i'm sure so much will change until then... and here i am desperately holding on to so many things. i know there is still so much to do, so much to miss, and right now it is all so overwhelming.

i am trying very hard not to let go... but at the same time if i hold on to everything here i won't be able to open my arms again to... home.

antwerp, please wait for me, this isn't my final goodbye... it will never be.

tot ziens a'pen, tot 19 augustus!!!

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quarta-feira, julho 09, 2008

5 days to lisbon

there have been a lot of countdowns lately in my life, you and the other girls have made it possible to always at the beginning of the day have a small countdown to our next big event.
it started with the weekend in Dublin, then with Celia's wedding, then with you moving back to Lisbon... then with Sofia's wedding... and even though this last one still will go on for another 15 days, in 4 days i will be going home.

i keep thinking this is ok. this is just the first step of a very long goodbye. but i can't help but be sad. everytime i have something planned these last days, it's the last time. i will be back in one month, but then it will only another 10 days for me stay here, and saying goodbye in a hurry isn't the way i'd preferred doing this.

i've got TO DO lists that keep growing because everyday i realize something else needs to be done, or written, or said or signed, or closed, or packed. and still i think i haven't done anything.

still to do:
- pick up University documents
- pick up Board of Architects documents (and pay my bill)
- Standard CV
- close the electricity account
- close the tv account
- close internet account
- close bank account
- sell furniture

these things take time and i feel that i still haven't got enough of it.

maybe i should just see this trip to lisbon, as what it really is for now, another holiday. greet says in order to not get sad "you're just going for a holiday like you always do... so this isn't goodbye... yet"
that's what it is... why be so sad now?
because cookie girl will be 7 months when i come back and she'll be able to sit up straight and maybe even put her feet on the floor and giggle so much more.
i'll be back... but now i've got bags to do, because in a way i know you're there with all the girls waiting for me and that means that i'll be sad for just a little bit.

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sexta-feira, junho 13, 2008

meu querido santo antonio


http://images.google.be/imgres?imgurl=http://deltacat.blogs.sapo.pt/arquivo/marchaCarnide1

mais um ano e mais um dia 13.junho que eu perco... não vai ser o último ainda por cima... já começa a fazer falta, já começa a doer. mas com o EUR08 eu ainda vou comendo umas sardinhas e fazendo de conta que a praça de São João aqui é estreitinha e a subir tal como as ruas de Alfama.

um dia vou voltar sem pensar que mais um ano vou perder a festa mais genuína da minha linda lisboa. mas por enquanto faltam
31 dias para ir para casa.

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terça-feira, junho 10, 2008

you're home



today you landed home. after almost two years of discoveries, surprises, adaptation and dissapointments, smiles and tears, highs and lows... english with a wierd accent, you landed home.
with all of our hearts we wished you the best on your journey back, not backwards just back... forward always. we have been for the last 33 days incouraging you to look ahead, to not fall while you prepare, to not cry while you pack, to not stop while you say goodbye. the same way you made up your mind to leave those big daddy arms, with all that security, with all that will in your mind, we now know this is the best for you.

this is the perfect week for you to go back to lisbon, it is waiting for you under the protection of our dear friend, the one that has made a lot of coincidences in our lives. today especially, the 10th of june the perfect day to land in portugal.

as you start a new cycle, this time on your own, i am here, to support you in anything.

do not be afraid, do not think twice... lisbon is yours. keep it safe for when all of us come back home and remember that whenever the wind passes by you know what that means... maybe even when it comes all the way from africa.

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terça-feira, janeiro 22, 2008

lisbon story 3

eu já te tinha dito muitas vezes que um dos meus filmes preferidos onde a cidade de Lisboa é protagonista, é o filme de 1994 de Wim Wenders, "Lisbon Story". até já tinha escrito aqui no blog algumas vezes posts dedicados á minha própria versão de Lisbon Story... dedicámos até o que pensámos poder tornar-se tradição, os passeios anuais do blog pela cidade que nos diz tanto.


os passeios em blogcompanhia não deram muito certo, funcionou 1aninho, no 2ano já ninguém respondeu, mas eu cada vez que volto a casa, faço muitas Lisbon Stories... não resisto. e há uns anos atrás, enquanto andava eu a passear amigos italianos pós-erasmus por essa cidade da qual morro de saudades, decidi fazer do passeio uma busca... a busca pelos cenários do filme.

as vistas, essas foram fáceis de encontrar. foram tantas que muito provavelmente vimos mais do que se devia para seguir o filme, mas é dificil tentar reduzir em número... Lisboa tem vistas que fazem parar qualquer um, até uma alfacinha como eu.

mas nada de se perceber qual era o cenário que serviu para a casa da personagem principal, e onde os Madredeus ensaiavam durante o filme... perguntei, pedi, implorei que alguém me dissesse se no longínquo ano de 1994 se lembrava de uns alemães terem filmado qualquer coisa por aqueles lados... houve quem dissesse "ai menina, aqui na nossa cidade passam a vida a filmar, nós já somos todas famosas de tantos filmes que já fizeram... já não consigo lembrar-me de todos!"

estive ali, a subir e a descer ruas, entrar nas lojas, nos cafés, até entrei na casa de um fotógrafo holandês que me deixou entrar no seu atelier e cozinha para ver se da janela eu ia conseguir perceber de onde foram filmadas as vistas do filme... nada... ele ficou mesmo triste porque até disse que Lisboa também o conquistou quando viu esse filme, disse-lhe que voltaria quando o encontrasse.

ter que ser no ano de 2008, em férias em Lisboa enquanto andava com o meu pai á procura de uma barraquita para talvez comprar, quem sabe, fui levada como nos bons velhos tempos pela sua mãozinha até ao Palácio de Belmonte. quantas vezes já passei por aqui, neste pátio semi-público para ir ao Castelo, ou pura e simplesmente porque faz parte dos meus passeios... entrámos, e pedi como arquitecta para ver o interior, já estava feliz por ter conseguido entrar ali, porque sem o meu pai nem sequer teria pensado nisso, mas fiquei ainda mais quando subi uns degraus e dei de caras com uma sala enorme, cheia de azulejos nas paredes, pareceu-me muito branca, como se já estive estado ali, mas não com as paredes tão limpinhas... perguntei ao senhor que nos acompanhou "mas... parece a sala onde filmaram o "lisbon sotry""
"e é mesmo. filmaram mesmo da recuperação do edificio para se tornar em hotel. que engraçado que percebeu"

"é só o melhor filme de lisboa para mim"



foi melhor do que conhecer um actor famoso... liguei ao A.T. que estava no meio da neve em Milão... quando lhe contei onde estava... silêncio.
acho que ouvi lágrimas...

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quinta-feira, junho 14, 2007

tou mal

porque há 4 aninhos que não consigo ir a Lisboa no dia de St. António...

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