1 week... gone
this week was the biggest emotional rollercoaster. you'd think because i'm leaving Antwerp and moving to Mozambique being here would have some meaning. It would somehow make sense.
not really... actually, none at all.
Lisbon has nothing to do with it. Family has everything. From being considered obese to having my dreams crushed everything has happened, and all because i have been very far away where poeple don't judge, where people let me be. The hardest part of leaving to anywhere... is letting others interfere. They don't say "you can't go" but they can say "for what?" not realizing who we are anymore.
6 years have given me everything i thought i had and didn't and everything that makes me happy. this is just a place.... just like any other. And Lisbon will be my place soon, but as long as they don't see it, this isn't IT.
not really... actually, none at all.
Lisbon has nothing to do with it. Family has everything. From being considered obese to having my dreams crushed everything has happened, and all because i have been very far away where poeple don't judge, where people let me be. The hardest part of leaving to anywhere... is letting others interfere. They don't say "you can't go" but they can say "for what?" not realizing who we are anymore.
6 years have given me everything i thought i had and didn't and everything that makes me happy. this is just a place.... just like any other. And Lisbon will be my place soon, but as long as they don't see it, this isn't IT.
posted by andrea at sábado, julho 19, 2008
5 Comments:
Deves ser sempre verdadeira para contigo própria, independentemente do que os outros te possam dizer. Afinal de contas sera' contigo mesma que iras ajustar contas quando tiveres 70 anos e te olhares no espelho e te questionares se fizeste com a tua vida aquilo que realmente querias fazer. Tudo o resto sao balelas!
E cá entre nos, e secretamente, aqui que ninguém nos ouve, de experiência própria posso dizer-te que quem nos critica pelos nossos sonhos e audácia fá-lo com uma ponta de inveja...
Beijos e forca!
that is familie beautifull... they do the most impossible and spectacular things to help you when you break your pinkie at the other side of the world. You love them when you don't see them.
But than again: they always give their 'honest' opinion about the way you live your life, they make you insecure about your self, they can always let you feel stupide and they like to humilate you in public... Maybe we should take them back... Just start saying what we think, really think... But that's not what daughters are suposed to do... so i take a walk and smoke a 'forbidden' sigaret and i feel twelve al over again...
And think: never again i go on vacation with them again, never!!!! Every year i think that ...
What's my problem?
X greet
nunca soube lidar muito bem com a negatividade... custa-me muito ouvir certos comentários que me reduzem a uma coisa mínima, especialmente quando vem de alguém que vê que eu todos os dias cresço e torno-me numa pessoa cada vez mais segura e independente. como se quisesse recusar-se a admitir que eu não sou o que tem na cabeça...
inveja ou não, não sei, sei sim que mesmo que essa seja a "desculpa" não o mereço.
our problem is thinking we own them something for the rest of our lives. we allow ourselves to get caught up in all these "homely" feelings, but there is always something wrong. there is no way what we do right can override what we do that to us is insignificant, but for her it's the worst in me.
to them we are never beautiful, we can sometimes be "almost there" but we will never arrive to their perfection.
distance is the medicine that has done miracles in these last 6 years. i always thought "i feel so great that she finally accepted me" but everytime i come "home" and hug her to let her know i want to be here... she knows exactly what she needs to say, what she has to reming me of my past to get to me...
greetje... it's not just family. it is pure evil, it is pure self-centered and selfish and meanness...
i want out
never have i regreted so much leaving antwerp. i'm happy there... i'm me there.
Family has this efect on us. i don't kwon how it works. but for me being with my mother is the same as reminding me that i will never do anything right, or as i try to think, anything that she approves. i will have to live with that, unfortunally
I just moved out, living in another city, still in portugal, but in the north, at oporto, and for her that was the biggest mistake of all, how could i ever do that?? well i did. and i will be happy here, with or without her approval. but i still feel the need to hear from her that what i do is good, inside i know i will never hear that... i don't know why i keep fighting. i know that what makes me happy would never make her happy, and vice-versa, why can't she see and accept the same thing. it would be so much easier for every one.
i'm hoping for that miricle of medice to happen with us, that distance will have its good effect on our relationship, even if it's only 300 kms...
keep fighting for what you believe, even if it looks wierd or stupid to everyone else, olny you will live you life, you only have to justify your actions to yourself. and when you made your mind up, you knew what you wanted, don't let anyone else tell you otherwise!
Good luck :)
carol
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