have i ever told you i’m happy

I probably haven’t in a while, and amazingly I didn’t think it was important. Strange how one is always willing to tell about the bad moments of their lives, and then when you finally seem as happy as you can be, you somehow don’t find the time to tell anyone let alone the ones who matter.

The reasons for my happiness lately are various, thankfully I need a lot of things, small things, small details in my life to make me feel happy… and eventhough I never say it out loud I know it shows.

So now you’re home. did I mention I’m happy?! Yes, I’m happy because I know the city of our dreams is almost complete, it’s bigger with you, it’s sunnier and so much more beautiful. This has made this last month so much easier, knowing that those who have missed you in the last 18 months have the chance to see you so much more. I don’t pretend you’re not going through a crazy period, a in between feeling of being home and also being still away. It’s nice to know you’re taking care of your own home where J. will soon join you as soon as he’ll pack you’re final moments in Dublin to join you in this new and exciting new part of your life. I heard you’ve ordered sofas, and furniture, which for someone who gets stuff always missed up seems like such a big step!!! Eheh, I know probably you dad gave you a hand and if he didn’t I’m very proud, maybe the cold up in Ireland really made you speed up things!!!! I can just see you all so panicky in the middle of all the things you brought, you kept, and you still have to look through!

Knowing you’re in Lisbon makes me relaxed.

I am so proud of all the things you have done, all the choices you ever made, probably never told you this either, but looking back I realise we all do things we might not understand why, or how, but I’m sure somewhere along the line we, me, you will be sure whatever we did we did it for the best…

And that is also why now we shouldn’t look back in choices we made for our future… yes because I know that even if it takes you some time to get used to the idea of being back home, you have made this choice a while back and this I know you were sure of… it take some time, but you know you made it right the moment you said it.

Maybe I’ll also be able to see it.

Will I ever see Mozambique as a positive choice I’ve made also, I hope so because right now I feel like it is the best thing I’ve decided to do, but I just breaks my heart to let go of so many things… again.

It’s not just moving somewhere else, where a plane flies to in 3hours or less. It is Africa.

It is as I know it the end of the world… but such a beginning.

It is so hard at this moment to explain why, and what for and what if and what if not. People ask and I wish I had better answers. But then again, I came o Antwerp with probably less answers and less certainties, and guess what, it’s been 3 years and I have people I will say goodbye to that just the thought makes me cry right now.
Is it true we can’t put a person in our bags when we fly? Will TAP notice I’m taking special people inside my luggage? Will these people survive a 10 hour flight in the luggage compartment? Greet would definitely, as long as Rosie was there with her! Sofie would probably want to join since she always loves a girls’ thing. Kris would come ‘cause he’d have space to build his wooden cabin. Luca would say yes ‘cause african girls are beautiful. Lily would cry a bit but if Nathalie and Marco would come she’s feel more at ease. Farcesca and Dominik would because he’ll have plenty of land to bike, and she’ll love the sun and can yell all she wants.

Me?

I’m going… not in the luggage but with plenty of bags. I’m going because… because I believe this is it. This is my future right in front of me. No matter what that means… I feel it. I’ve never been this happy.

Do you know I’m in love also? …I guess that’s for another time.

14 hours of work to go… 18 days to go to Lisbon for holidays… and 108 day to Africa… more or less, I hope less… no, more… less….

Ok, so I wanna go but I don’t wanna leave. (are you with me?)